Ger your own horrorscope…
JUNE 2004
Pack your bags and head for Iraq. There are 18,000 members of al Qaida that are stalking you and they want to kill you with biological weapons obtained from Syria through an Iranian spy working for the Queen of England. Secret al Qaida papers found in Saddam’s spider hole reveal that the Islamic cult plans to destroy everyone in America born under your sign on the Summer Solstice. Iraq is the only safe place for you.
The dark secrets about your bizarre habits will be found out when the FBI begins an investigation of you. The FBI will begin the investigation after you make contact in a 7-11 with an Israeli Mossad agent posing as an al Qaida operative. The Mossad has many people with your sign under surveillance in order to identify al Qaida cells in America linked with Saudi petroleum interests.
Don’t be afraid to assert yourself when your new lover forces you to strip at gunpoint and then puts a bag over your head. Gather up your self-esteem and leave this weirdo. Try adopting a talking bird instead of jumping into any new relationships.
If it wasn't for carbon-14, I wouldn't date at all